i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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