the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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