hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
