Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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