His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
