i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
