I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
