he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
