if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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