tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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