Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
