no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
