I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
