it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
