I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He passed out mid-signature
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
