pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
