just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
