How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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