i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
