I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
