it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
