Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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