It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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