Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
