You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
