My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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