what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
