I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
