Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize