Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
