Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
