i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
