I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
