Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
