after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
