Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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