Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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