I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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