he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
