if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
