I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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