It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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