I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize