Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
