I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
