No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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