her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
