Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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