At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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