my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
