Swine flu. Run for my life!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Randomize
