I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
