I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
