I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
