a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
