He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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