I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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