watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize