Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
