well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
