You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
