i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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