Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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