And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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