Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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