Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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