I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
