I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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