Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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