she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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