If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We have started to decorate penises.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
