K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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