I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
