dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
